I Need Some Space!
When a girl says she needs or wants some space, it’s rarely a good thing and almost always means things are going downhill quickly! So, as guys, we immediately make up to three assumptions…
1) I’ve royally screwed something up…
If you royally screwed something up, you can probably figure out what it is and there is a chance this may be temporary. You could try patching things up… but give it a day or two and take it slow. She is turned off by you at this point and you need to come back slowly. Try a flower delivery with a light note or a simple email/letter. Although you shouldn’t kiss ass, you should take responsibility if you did something dumb… The problem I’ve seen here is that often we don’t know what we did, but we are magically supposed to know… thanks, ladies! Also time heals, so a dumb action might start losing its seriousness after a day or two. Cheating is not included on this and you deserve to be tossed to the curb if you cheated – sorry this is just the way it is!
2) She wants to see (or is already secretly seeing someone else)…
If she wants to see someone else, game over – move on. This hardly ever works out and will always be a contention point in your relationship. In my situation, there was an ex lingering in the background who seemed to have some magical mind control and jacked everything up triggering this behavior. The “space” was needed so she could attempt a re-connect with the ex, without totally losing me in case things didn’t work out. Not cool… And even if things did end up working out with us, it would always be on my mind, always be a fight waiting to happen, etc…
3) There is 3rd party interference…
3rd party interference is tough… It could be an ex, a co-worker putting on the moves on or maybe even her friends repeatedly telling her ‘she can do better’. In any case, this is also a tough one to overcome. If it’s an ex and kids are involved, you could try talking it out – but in my experience this never goes well… Her sneaky co-workers are around her all day and can subliminally get messages into her head, which they in turn start to believe (sorry ladies, yes, this is true – I’ve witnessed it over and over again). It can be fixed in this case, as long as co-worker hasn’t already slipped her the ‘goods’… Just straighten up your act, go on a romantic date (take a small gift or flowers) and talk it out. If you’re lucky things will work out. Her friends are a force field that you should have been keeping thawed since the beginning… A girl will take her friends advise over almost anything else… So beware… You piss off the friends, you’ve got immediate issues and in the ‘need space’ case, you’re screwed before you start. Now, flipside, if you’re in good with the friends… You ‘could’ be brave and reach out them to get some insight as to what the problem(s) are, because yes, they already know… With any luck, after a few days of cooling off and figuring out what you did wrong – you can make things right!
- If you are reading this while your relationship is still good:
- Don’t take her for granted
- Pay compliments when appropriate
- Be a gentleman
- Random gifts or positive sayings can be a good thing
- Don’t be an idiot and cheat or do something else idiotic like this
- Don’t be too clingy.. If you are the clingy type (as I’ve been told I can be at times) and she is not… backing off a bit can be a good thing, lighten up on the calls, texts and well, everything in between. Slowly rebuild and see where things go. Non-clingy women see this as a sign of weakness I’m told!
- If you are reading this and you’ve already had the ‘needs her space’ line thrown:
- Cut off communications… If things go well, she will realize how much she misses your goofy ass and will come back. Chances are the comeback will be great and all is well!
- Move on.. there is a good possibility she is already seeing or starting the process of seeing someone else. Your chances of recovery are slim to none on this one.
- You have moved out of 1st place and are now in the safety net (aka friend) zone. Cut contact, I’ve heard that in some cases… She will have second thoughts and may come back. If you’re feeling like an ass, you could always say you need your space when she comes back… 😉
- Remember this : if you really love someone you’ll never ‘need space from them!’ – an hour or three break possibly, but not days or weeks!
Now before you all attack… I realize not every situation is the same, but in my experiences and the experiences of the people I’ve talked with on this subject, we found this probably applies to 75% of the population. Did I miss anything? Comment below!